The Forever Band

Sometimes we can't help who we love.

For a semester or two in college I was in a fraternity. But that’s not the important part.

One homecoming weekend, a bunch of our alumni came back to go to a big football game. Coming from a background in big-time sports as an ACC fan, it never made sense to me why people would get riled up and tailgate small-school sports. But for one game I bought in. But that’s not the important part, either.

Enter Stu. Stu drove a Saab convertible, was in his mid-40’s, balding, and on this day he took me and a few fraternity brothers up the hill to the “big game.” And he listened -- very loudly -- to Meatloaf. We all did. And he didn’t just listen to Meatloaf -- he listened to ALL of Meatloaf.

Meatloaf was his forever artist, his go-to.

Now this is the important part, and it terrified me -- on the ride, it occurred to me that one day I too would probably be like Stu, that I too would have a favorite artist. What if I suffered the same fate? What if intense Meatloaf-fandom was contagious? I was legitimately scared.

So I experimented. In the 90’s that’s just what we did. We paid for one CD and got another 12 in the mail and just sampled it all. And then once we finally figured out how to cancel the subscription for future albums, we did it again.

I ended up listening to Radiohead as my primary band of the 90’s, all the b-sides and etc. But even though I still love Radiohead (and thought they’d be my Meatloaf), they’re not my forever band. None of the bands from that era are, and that’s okay. The exploration was plenty worth it.

I saw a bunch of shows in the mid-90’s, and most of those I still remember as the best. Weezer/Ash (Pinkerton/1977) was a personal favorite. My friend Tim & I took a bus from college to see Live & PJ Harvey & Veruca Salt, and didn’t have a way home -- so we spent the night in a Philadelphia bus station. Still very much worth it. I saw a bunch of punk bands in warehouses that weren’t designed to house music. I went to raves I had no business (and no interest) being at -- at one I was so bored I wrote my entire thesis to pass the time. Life must be lived. I traveled to 3 cities in a row, by bus, to see Radiohead with my brother. What else were we going to do?

I ended up going with some friends to see Cake & Counting Crows in Philadelphia in 1996, and I remember enjoying it quite a bit (though I don’t consider it quite the highlight as the above) -- both acts were distinctly different, and both acts knew how to play their instruments really well. I was surprised at how angry Adam Duritz was on stage -- he’d broken his foot at the show prior and acted out his rage from his chair. At one point he braved standing up on stage, and he swore at everyone and told them to “get on up.” If he could do it, they could do it. It was an oddly combative & charged night. But their second album also felt that way, so it fit the mood.

Time passed. Music of the sort I used to listen to on the radio & seek out on CDs lost its grip on me. Audiobooks are my preferred kind of noise, now.

A few months back, we decided to take the girls to Counting Crows because they’re innocuous & occasionally poppy enough to make for a fun early listening experience, family-style. We went tonight with some family friends, and as we left (early, because it’s a school night), the girls danced to Angels of the Silences near the stage and it was a lot of fun for them, and it was fun for me to witness, too. They enjoyed the show.

27 years went by since I last saw the Counting Crows, and I can understand why I liked them then.

Adam Duritz didn’t yell at my children to “get on up” tonight. He’s doing better now.

Counting Crows aren’t my Meatloaf.

But if you’re in my car, on the way to a mostly irrelevant sporting event, and Counting Crows show up in a shuffle on the playlist... at an unnecessarily high volume... such is life.

I don’t know if you’re still out there, Stu. But if you are, I sincerely hope you’re still listening to Meatloaf just as much and just as loudly as you did back when. You were right to love what you loved.

Forgive me.